I came. I came to. I came to believe.
This pretty much sums it up for me. It was during my night in jail that I said my first honest prayer. I had no idea how my life had gotten in such horrible shape and I had nowhere to look but up. That was July 14, 2006. By the Grace of God I haven’t found it necessary to drink or drug since that day. I entered a 28 day treatment facility three days later and it was there that I learned about my disease and I learned of the Power of God.
On that plane ride to Florida, a man changed seats and came and set by me. His name was Henry from Alabama. Henry was a big, burly ole country guy. When he asked, “so what brings you to Florida little lady, business or pleasure”, and I responded with “drug treatment”, he nearly fell out of his seat. We talked a bit and when the drink cart neared our seats Henry asked what I would like to drink. I told him I was toying with a Jack and Diet. He said in his hearty country voice, “Not on my watch you don’t!” I’m like, “Henry, dude, I’ve known you like ten minutes!” He said he’d throw the biggest fit I’d ever seen on a plane if I ordered a drink. So when the cart got to us, I smiled and ordered a diet coke. It was at that moment that I realized God had placed Henry next to me. God doing for me what I could not do for myself.
When I completed my treatment program and was flying back home, I sat in that airport terminal knowing no one thinking ‘I could have a drink on the plane. No one would know.’ I boarded the plane and sat next to a professional looking woman. She asked, “so what brought you to Florida, business or pleasure?” I responded, “drug treatment.” She immediately took my hand and said, “I’m an inspirational speaker. Can I pray with you?” I remember this vividly. I remember me looking up and saying, “ok, ok!” God doing for me what I could not do for myself.
When I arrived home and jumped head first into AA, my eyes began to open even wider. I saw God working in other people’s lives and began to believe He would also be what saved me. It was very early in my sobriety that the obsession was removed. I know that it was not me who flipped that “off switch.”
I have worked diligently in my sobriety to improve my conscious contact. I begin each morning on my front porch in the quiet darkness with my coffee, a cigarette, and conversation with God. I thank him throughout each day for the little blessings that I’m finally able to see. I thank him again when I go to bed for another sober day and for the gifts He’s given me.
My biggest worry, as with most moms, is our 22 year old son, Anthony. He’s had his own journey with socially using and drinking. I’ve spent too many nights to count unable to sleep until I hear him pull in the driveway. A few months ago I heard a woman in a meeting saying how she no longer asks God to be with her children. Instead she thanks Him for being with them wherever they are. Thank goodness my ears were open that night. Since that night I’ve been thanking God for riding home with Anthony in the wee hours of the morning. He’s a gamer and he and his friends play all night. This simple little change in my prayer has changed my perspective and I haven’t laid awake for about two months now. It’s amazing. This simple little suggestion has given me more peace than anything else in the program. I use this prayer of thankfulness on most every situation and day by day my fear is diminishing. I’ve never been more grateful and aware of His presence in my life.
I was taught in treatment to turn things over to God by writing them down and putting them in my God Box. Somewhere along the road to happy destiny I had this idea to create God Bags (marketed as Serenity Sacs). There’s something about writing down my worries and putting them in God’s hands that brings me peace and increases my faith. I made them for my sponsees as Christmas gifts and had no intention of selling them. Here it is two years later and I’ve sold them online all over the United States and as far as the United Kingdom. Guess God had other plans for me. You can check out my sobriety-inspired creations at www.serenitysac.etsy.com.
Thank you God for bringing me to AA. Thank you AA for bringing me to God.