I awoke this morning to a great sense of loss, loneliness and just general doom. This is a very famliar feeling. It's exactly the feelings I used to drink and drug over. On days like this when my heart felt empty, I'd call the dope boy first thing in the morning and hit the bar at lunch time.
When my mind takes me to this place, I have to say to myself "what would I tell my sponsees to do?"
So this morning I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I've written a gratitude list and I've written about it. The feeling is still here (7:13 am) but at least I know today that it will pass and that I don't have to drink or drug over it.
Still trying to figure out what has caused these feelings. Let's see: My mom didn't return my phone call as quickly as I would've liked, my husband isn't giving me the attention I need, I am missing my parents and siblings in Texas (they're all helping out with my brother in law's new business and I want to be part of it). Poor poor Rhonda.
My gratitude list: I am sober; My family is safe, healthy and reasonably happy; I have a job which I love and a boss and co-workers who love and support me; I have a relationship with my older sister (my best friend) which fills my heart on a daily basis; I have a boat load of sponsees who appreciate me and who I love very much; I have true friends today that are there for me at all times. I have a God in my life who I'm sure is up there shaking his head once again saying "Geez Woman, what else do you want!"
It sounds really stupid when you write it down. The evidence is overwhelming. I have so many blessings in my life and I need to focus on those.
I truly have the disease of more but I'm grateful that helping others MORE and talking to God MORE is also part of what keeps me sane and sober.
Have a great day.
2 months ago